The existence of the Bigfoot species was finally documented and put to rest by a hunting party that shot and killed one of the creatures.
Under cover of darkness, two specially equipped helicopters landed in an area just off the Pacific Coast, southeast of Lincoln, Oregon. Specifically, they landed near Devils Lake State Park, where the Bigfoot had been living in plain sight, successfully avoiding campers and tourists for perhaps five years.
GoPro video cameras mounted on pith helmets captured the precision attack. A live pig, evidently a food source being held in a crude holding pen made by the creature, was used as a porcine shield but did little to stop the trained hunters from completing their mission.
The "sasquatch" was killed by an Oregon-born marksman who preferred not to be identified, but said, "We've been looking for this particular male for over ten years. He's been terrorizing innocent people all up and down the coastline. I can finally close this chapter of my life. We would have used a tranquilizer gun if we had brought one with us."
Instead, the creature was mortally wounded from three shots fired from a Glock safe action pistol. The 9mm slugs penetrated the Bigfoot just above his left eye, causing instantaneous death. Known as a "Hunter's Trinity," the trio of quick shots all but guarantees a kill.
Shortly thereafter, a message was sent to the hunters' headquarters in Salem: "Curly KIA."
"Curly" was the code word for this particular Bigfoot.
The GoPro video has not been released. A photo of a dead Bigfoot is currently circulating on the internet but is a fake that has been around for years and is actually a close up of an action figure doll covered in a flocking material.
After killing the Bigfoot, the hunters took custody of the body and with some difficulty, carried it back to the waiting choppers. The hunters describe it as being unusually heavy, even accounting for its size.
The helicopters then flew to an undisclosed medical facility where samples were taken and photographs made.
According to many Native American tribes, the "hairy men" are human and thus require a proper burial.
To prevent the curious and superstitious from making the trek to Oregon to view the Bigfoot, the hunters chose to prepare the corpse in Native American tradition and then performed a burial at sea in the Pacific Ocean. One of the hunters belonged to a Pacific Northwest tribe and handled the preparation of the body.
"We took the chopper out as far as we dared and gently lowered him to the water. We had . . . we had shaved his facial hair and wrapped him in an International Orange NASCAR blanket. He was actually quite handsome. He looked . . . human."
They say marksmen don't cry. I'm here to tell you, they do.
They do. And so do reporters.